Day 363 - Motorcycle Guy: You Are So Cool, It Hurts.

August 6th, 2010

I made a new friend in my neighborhood several months ago and every time I'd cross paths with this guy... he was holding a helmet. Since I never investigated his protective head gear thoroughly, I just assumed it accompanied his preferred mode of transportation, a motorcycle. There was no doubt that this cool rider had mastered the art of badassery and I had thoughts that went like so: "Wow this guy really carves his own path. He wears, watches, drinks and listens to what he chooses, when he chooses and where he chooses. Clearly he is supplied with an unlimited source of awesomenimity. He is so cool, it hurts. What a badass.”

As I watched this indifferent heroic being exit the bar, I witnessed as he confidently sauntered over to his vehicle...which was, in fact (to my surprise and undelight), not a motorcycle. A bike it was. A bike I say. Immediately my image of faux motorcycle hero plummeted. Deep.

Don't fight me on this: Bikes are cool. Bikes with motors are cooler.

Sure, there are arguments that attempt to steer women away from falling for that stoic power symbol connected to a 2 wheeled motor vehicle. Our new man will most likely die soon since motorcycles have a higher fatality rate per unit of distance traveled when compared with automobiles. But don't let that overshadow the pluses. We get to brag to our friends, family and random strangers on the street that we have landed a free spirited power symbol. For a limited time only. Because of that death thing.

Oh statistics, why is your mission to eradicate enjoyment, amusement and pleasure?

Ladies, it's of considerable value to prioritize. Let's stay focused. Although it's likely that our motorcycle man's time on earth will be cut short due to a bloody collision on the highway, he's smokin' hot before he expires. We can't consume our thoughts with the negatives that tell us a motorcycle itself provides virtually no protection in a crash. Sure, our special guy will take the full brunt of impact, is at risk of being thrown off the bike and being hit by other vehicles on the road. Bury those thoughts and have the attitude of gratitude. Our guy (that is immune to joy and grief) is assured in his superiority and sends a message of nonconformity. Except, of course, conforming to other men who ride motorcycles.

And to the men out there who are asking themselves, "Should I get a death vehicle or be guaranteed (a brief deadly pre-collision) opportunity with a slew of women who will open their hearts (and legs) to me?"

Baby steps.

I suggest walking around for 1 day with a motorcycle helmet. No motorcycle necessary in this phase. See the reaction. Feel the reaction. Fornicate with the reaction.

You will have your answer.