Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Day 378 - Ask Jax - Part 33

December 1st, 2010

This is the 33rd installment of my "Ask Jax" series. I'm open to answering ANY of your pressing inquiries with little to no thought, accuracy and sensitivity.

Who likes ice cream more, Ben or Jerry? - Mike Webster, Brooklyn, New York

Jax's Answer - Ben & Jerry's was originally called Ben, Jerry & Howie's. Ben Cohen, Jerry Greenfield and Howie McJewishshtein were childhood friends and dessert pioneers who made the world take notice of frozen dairy. They were rewarded with fast cars, fast woman and a plaque from the Surgeon General praising their effort to contribute to America's obesity epidemic. The ice cream empire's downward spiral began when Howie realized that he was the only one pulling the weight when coming up with innovative flavor combinations. Cherry Garcia, Chunky Monkey and Chubby Hubby were all his creations. Meanwhile, Ben and Jerry were responsible for poorly received flavors like Nails & Honey, Oprah Saliva and Vanilla. It did not go over well when Howie confronted his two partners about their lack of creativity. In a deserted Vermont field, Ben and Jerry doused Howie with hot fudge and lighter fluid. His body was never recovered. Oh yes. Who likes ice cream more, Ben or Jerry? Neither care for it. They're lactose intolerant.

Why has it been storming for 24 hours straight. Tell me Jax. Why? - Anonymous, Princeton, New Jersey

Jax's Answer: Rain. God's way of orchestrating a wet t-shirt contest. Perv. But I still want to win.

The annual Christmas tree lighting that takes place in New York City's Rockefeller Center, why all the hype?- Jill Jones, Brooklyn, New York

Jax's answer - I've never really bought into the excessive publicity around this live broadcast. In fact, it troubles me that NBC execs scout out country folk and offer a cash exchange for these people's most prized possession, a 100 foot spruce. People with a giant spruce, I assume your freakishly large tree even has the initials of lovers carved into it. That's adorable. Don't sell out. Interesting note, the original premise of the book, The Giving Tree, wasn't a tale about a long term relationship between a young boy and a tree in a forest. In the original, the boy was approached by the Rockefeller Center higher ups and had no qualms about giving his tree away for their ceremony. This happened on page 2. It was a short book. More of a pamphlet.

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