December 22nd, 2010
This is the 35th installment of my "Ask Jax" series. I'm open to answering ANY of your pressing inquiries with little to no thought, accuracy and sensitivity.
Why is everyone so upset with full body scans? - Eric Bergson, Seattle, Washington
Jax’s Answer: Simple. It’s foreplay without the sex. If you’re not going to close the deal…please refrain from enticing us with those phallicly shaped seductive body scanning devices that make our bodies tingle with heightened pleasure. Plus, I find the airline body scan tease analogous to the time when someone slipped a roofie in my drink…and didn’t even take advantage of me. You know who you are. Shame on you.
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop? - Claudia Mizrahi , Brooklyn, New York
Jax’s Answer: Sorry to say, most of us Jewish girls who grew up upper middle class aren’t versed in the world of pawnshops. However, if you’d like to join me for Chinese on Sunday night, I’m available.
I get sad when I think of Helen Keller. Do you? – Anonymous, Orlando, Florida
Jax’s Answer: Not as sad as I feel for this girl playing the deaf blind girl in the following community theater production of the Miracle Worker: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZJtEzAW9WSw