Friday, November 12, 2010

Day 375 - Ask Jax - Part 30

This is the 30th installment of my "Ask Jax" series. I'm open to answering ANY of your pressing inquiries with little to no thought, accuracy and sensitivity.

Why do people groom in public? - Michelle Kraskin, New York, New York

Jax’s Answer: I used to ponder the same conundrum. Then, for the sake of research, I shaved my armpits while walking down 5th Avenue. Never been happier.

What's up with some people never being on time? Paul Hale, Brooklyn New York

Jax’s Answer - The chronically late tend to irritate even those of us who are good natured and patient. I pride myself in being a prompt person so I am generally the recipient of some genuine and inane excuses when someone is a fan of tardiness. I think it really comes down to two types of people who fail to arrived at designated times. Those who have a legitimate excuse and those who are assholes. Be gentle with those who lost track of time because…

- they had to stop at the ATM to get you money for just being a nice guy.
- they were saving a kitten from a tree. It was a Persian.
- they noticed a questionable package on the subway. They saw something. And said something.

Consider removing the tardy offender from your life if they failed to show up on time because…

- they were on the phone with your mom…discussing your failures.
- they were at a “Save the Bedbugs” rally.
- they were putting a questionable package on the subway.

I just got reamed out by a gay man via email and he won’t return my calls to discuss the matter at hand? - Anonymous, San Francisco, California

Jax’s Answer - Ahhh yes,the one who throws the grenade into the woods then runs out of the forest. They’re precious. Simple: If you’re gonna be such a bitch… don't be such a pussy.


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