Sunday, October 31, 2010

Day 373 - Ask Jax - Part 28

October 31st, 2010

This is the 28th installment of my "Ask Jax" series. I'm open to answering ANY of your pressing inquiries with little to no thought, accuracy and sensitivity. Remember there are no stupid questions. Just stupid people who ask questions.

If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? - Claudia Mizrahi, Brooklyn, New York

Jax’s Answer: Clearly the professor did possess the technical skills to remedy the holy boat…but ultimately decided against utilizing his expertise. Why? Life on a remote island can get lonely. And kinky. Growing tired of Gilligan’s dimwitted shenanigans, the 3 attractive shipwrecked passengers, the professor, Ginger and Mary Ann partook in provocatively deviant threesomes that involved bamboo, a stethoscope and enthusiasm. Skipper filmed. The professor had no inclination to return home to his wife, a professor who taught” The Benefits of Being Frigid.”

A few days ago I spent $18 on a whole red snapper. It seemed like a lot of fish, but when we got down to it, it wasn't really that much bang for the buck. How do you shop for seafood and make sure you get quality for the money? - Jon Reitzes, Brooklyn, New York

Jax’s Answer: Mistake # 1 one. You were seduced by the glamour and mystique of the "faux meaty" red snapper, the so-called “prized culinary white-fish". You need to think outside of the fish tank and be willing to explore lesser known edible impressively fleshy fish that still satisfy your craving for fishy goodness. Budget friendly options include mermaids, mermen and sushi that’s been marinating in 90 degree weather for 3 days.

Kermit vs. Yoda? - Jarod Kearney, Staunton, Virginia

Jax’s Answer - Let me ask you this Jarod. If injustice came your way, who would you seek solace with?

1 –An incredibly powerful Jedi Master who can teach you the way of the force.


2 –A felt amphibian who dates a pig and can only communicate when there’s a hand up his ass.

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